Wisdom Teeth are so stupid!

I know, it's been forever. Don't ask why I feel the need to apologize for being away from my Blog for too long. It's not like I have a following of internet lovers who live their lives hung on my every entry, but still. I know I haven't been making time for 'bloggin' which means there are many many things I'm probably not making enough time for. Welcome to my life.

First off, excuse me for any crazy insane misspellings or grammar problems with this entry. I'm currently on vicodin every 3 hours and when I mix it with the perscribed, of course, 800mg ibuprofen- things get very fuzzy. I had my wisdom teeth taking out on Wednesday. Shoot me in the face- it freaking hurts like hell. I just want it to end.

Before doing this extraction, I toured St. Thomas More, our Catholic' parish's private elementary school. I must say that I did love it. It was very structured, very smart, very small. While walking through the doors, I turned to my husband and said, 'my one question for my kid is 'does he have less chance of being shot by a gun in a private school?' If so, it was worth the money to send him there. Kindergarten starts out at about 4000 dollars. Yippee. However, adding Religion and values to his day means a lot to me as I think this is the most important thing a person can do for a child- build education and a relationship with God. However, I hope it doesn't push him away from God. I've seen this happen often in this type of setting.

Ethan is doing wonderful despite the fact that I'm pretty sure his preK is full of morons. They've taught him nothing about writing the alphabet or sounds, or phonics. I've had enough. After my surgery, while still numb, I went out to Holcomb's school supplies and bought him stuff to practice. I guess this knowledge will come from me and not his Pre-K. At least being in some type of school environment has introduced him to social skills. We are always complimented on his polite behavior. I just need him to focus.

I blame television and in my rant, I've banned the twins from watching anything that didn't have big bird or Elmo in it. It's funny with your second child, you always try to do better than your first (in my case, my second and third child). So Ethan had television and is quite more attached than he should be- the twins will have little of this.

Ethan has a best friend in our new neighbor, Kyle, and his older sister Hannah. I love them. They are polite and nice and wonderful. Ethan comes home and studies with me for half an hour every day and then out he goes into the yard to play until dinner. He's very happy here.

I know that I should be happy at this point. I have everything I want. A home, Beautiful kids, an adoring husband, a great view, a great career. I am happy. I have no complaints, however, I don't feel like this is our home yet. I don't know why. Richard feels like it is. He's been working his ass off on this house for months and months and it's in such a great condition now thanks to him, but yet... it's too good to be true. And usually when I feel this way. Life comes to a hault. I'm trying to trust that God is leading me down the right path.

Lauren, Shanna, and George and some friends are coming over tonight. The one great thing about this life is the amount of time I'm spending with my friends. We have a bonfire in the yard about once or twice a week and enjoy the hell out of each other's company. It's a blast.

I read Twilight and New Moon yesterday. Both 500 page books each. That's what happens when I get bored.

The painkillers are getting stronger and stronger at this point. I must retire.

"... I was already gone...Life is a runaway train you can't wait to jump on..."

My mind seems to be running a mile a minute lately. There is too much going on up there. First there is this whole Lauren thing. We are both to stubborn for whatever the next step is. If it's just walking away or if it's forgiving each other. Instead, we hang in limbo waiting for the other to make a move. She did text me and said she hoped that one day we could get over all of this and be friends and that she missed me. I gave her about 24 hours before I wrote her a text that I'm sure is construed as blowing it off. It wasn't intended to be mean but I wasn't ready to go there. She hasn't written since and I'm not sure I want her to. I have a digital frame in my office and there are more pictures of Lauren and I than anything. The first few days I turned it away because it made me mad to look at it. Now it stares me in the face like it's waiting for an answer from me. So do I give in and just grit my teeth through Chris? I can't. I really don't think I can watch him hurt her anymore. And I know we can't be friends without Chris being a factor. She loves him. So what is the issue? Sometimes I can't remember and sometimes it's so fresh in my mind that I hate him more than anything. This will end terribly. I can't explain that to her because she has to see it through. Does that mean I sit by and watch it all go down? Or do I put my foot down and say 'no way.' There is no right answer. I miss her though. I just don't know what to do. Before sticking by her made sense. Now it makes none.

My wisdom teeth are stupid. I was told 7 years ago that I needed them out. I didn't because 1. I hate dentists and 2. If it's not broke, dont fix it, right? Wrong. I'm in a lot of pain- the teeth are impacted and they need to be taken out. I can't until February though so it's suffering until then.

My 25th birthday is coming up soon. I don't even have anything delightful to say about that except that I want to be 21 again. I'm a quarter of a century old. That was funny on Richard's 25th. Now? Not so much. I have something great planned for my friends though. They are going to have a blast.

I miss my Dad. I really do. I should fly out to Washington to see him. If I could fly, which I can't because I'm terrified. He's so sad about missing Christmas with our family. He calls every night almost in tears because he wont be there. I'm making a video at the party and emailing it to him on Christmas morning. Modern technology is nice, huh?

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. I really can't wait until Christmas morning. We didn't do a BIG Christmas. I don't even know if we ever will. I think 10 presents is good enough for Ethan. HE has everything he needs and it takes him forever to open a present. He's very OCD about it. The paper cant be wrinkled. The tape comes off first and then he slowly unwraps. There's something weird about that kid. He gets it from his dad, I swear. I love my kids. Maddox is walking now. It's so crazy. He's still my little baby in my head but he grows and he's tall and Mason is sweet and watching Maddox. He wants to walk too but he can't. He gets too excited when he stands up. I just love that little guy. At 1 year old- I can tell his heart is so big.

So much on my mind this Christmas...